Thank you all for your supportive emails and good wishes! I just have to share this brilliant solution suggestion to one of my main concerns; it is from a professional health care/public servant we all know and love:
It took me just a second to figure out the wipeage delimea, but a couple of minutes passed before I decided to share to solutions!
Don't lean forward pass the 90 deg. point of no return alternate methods.
Option 1 - THIS METHOD IS KNOW AS THE TANKAGE METHOD = Move forward on the leading edge of the pot, do not move to far forward else you may slide off and leave a big brown stain on the floor. Then reach (a 20 deg. bend backwards) back and wipe towards the water tank, the Tankage method!
Option 2 - THIS METHOD IS KNOW AS THE TEN-HUT METHOD = Very quickly, as best you can with just having had hip replacement surgery, snap to your feet and stand tall while at the moment of reaching a full ten-hut posture reach back quickly and wipe. This again will require a 20 deg. backward motion, do not get excited and bend forward, this would totally defeat the Ten-Hut method. Draw back to this method, compression of the buttocks may make require the use of the best toilet paper known to mankind. Depending on what was ingested the day before it could be a war zone back there, as a result of the war zone possibility the method name was born, Ten-Hut!
Option 3 - THIS METHOD IS KNOW AS THE TEAM WIPE = You use the same method as option 1 with an exception, instead of you wiping your own self, you get someone to reach back there and wipe for you. The draw back to this method, is two fold. One, at this point it is nearly impossible to find a team player, seems everyone you ask will be into solitaire. Two, if you do find someone to help you wipe, the mission may have been accomplished and your bottom is clean, but now you fell like a big horses ass!
Good Luck Jaynee, will be praying for you and I know the procedure is going to be great in the END.
(I am so loved!!! Thank you! But at this time I will not reveal the helpful person who sent me these suggestions. Not until he/she promises to not beat the crap out of me. jrk)
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2 comments:
Man! I need to copy these and post them in all my bathrooms so that no one has an excuse to wipe thier bum!!
TnT are looking forward to the day when all they have are their own bums to wipe. I have hope for the children - think the animals will ever learn???
One more suggestion: no wiipee... just water. A BIDET!!! I used one once in a hosp. after giving birth; it was a wonderful warm cleansing of a tender place. Quick! Call the plumber!
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